Feline Physics
1 - Law of Cat Inertia. A cat at rest will tend
to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force
- such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying
mouse.
2 - Law of Cat Motion. A cat will move in a straight
line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
3 - Law of Cat Magnetism. All blue blazers and black
sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness
of the fabric.
4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics. Heat flows from a
warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which case all heat flows to the cat.
5 - Law of Cat Stretching. A cat will stretch to
a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
6 - Law of Cat Sleeping. All cats must sleep with
people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable
for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
7 - Law of Cat Elongation. A cat can make her body
long enough to reach just about any counter top that has
anything remotely interesting on it.
8 - Law of Cat Acceleration. A cat will accelerate
at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance. Cats must attend
all meals when anything good is served.
10 - Law of Rug Configuration. No rug may remain
in its naturally flat state for very long.
11 - Law of Obedience Resistance. A cat's resistance
varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
12 - First Law of Energy Conservation. Cats know
that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation. Cats also
know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation. If a cat watches
a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and
take out something good to eat.
15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction. Turn on
an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the
speed of light.
16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking. A cat will always
seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in
any given room.
17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy. All bags and boxes
in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible
nanosecond.
18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment. A cat's irritation
rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter.
19 - Law of Milk Consumption. A cat will drink his
weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
20 - Law of Furniture Replacement. A cat's desire
to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost
of the furniture.
21 - Law of Cat Landing. A cat will always land
in the softest place possible.
22 - Law of Fluid Displacement. A cat immersed in
milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk
consumed.
23 - Law of Cat Disinterest. A cat's interest level
will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort
a human expends in trying to interest him.
24 - Law of Pill Rejection. Any pill given to a
cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
25 - Law of Cat Composition. A cat is composed of
Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
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